blah blog

so come to think of it, I havent eaten in five days wondering what kindof crap im going to get myself in this time, the older I get the grayer I become, my friends hate me more and more with my aging but that’s okay ive got lots of things to write about as I get grayer like tarzan

unnecessary dead

coming along the nicely mowed lawns who wants to cut my yard, i said he was wrong, but to suggest anything that is surrealist is crazy so yesterday i went to a writing workshop and i helped other people and i took a short story to get critiqued(sic) and my luck was that i had two people give me feedback on my story, either it was not liked or they didnt know what to say, i showed up with a real story and sometimes people dont know how to respond to art when it is right in front of them, this is what i am reduced to, i am lightyears ahead of my time and i just have to accept it, my critics will be in the future, in the future i will be able to describe and get feedback, or maybe it is just this town i live in, maybe i have to go to some literary town and find something out

say what

its been a while, but im reading and writing hoping to get published suckers, that i will do

im trying im trying

& trying is dying or so i been told, trying to get this blogg on my phone so i can write all the time anywhere i am at, and i love her so, i love her so and she does not want to be seen next to me, what a great gal!

the damnation

she tries to act cool and be your best friend, but when you dont have any money she acts like you dont exist, she is a real culo beeyatch, i dont know why i want to hang out with her, maybe cos we all know she is easy, but i pissed her off bad, and i only want to piss her off some more, yesterday i made her feel guilty, that i was not her friend, because i did not have any money to kick it with her, true skanks who begin to feel sorry for themselves when you point out a solemn truth to them, the shitty thing is that  began to feel something for her again, only to throw it all away at the end, i hope she rots in hell, that is kind of harsh, but i cant see any future for her, she is waste of space, true waste of space, and brain, she should be taken out of her misery already like a dog screaming in vain, now that dr death is gone, rhonda needs some death like she needs some teeth, i wrote a poem where she died already, of an overedose, that is what her future holds for her, the best thing is that my book where i go in search of my love in hell, her name is rhonda, she has to die, that is how my tragedy works.

reminiscence

i broke up with my girlfriend, its usully the girl who breaks up with me but this times i had to do the breaking up.  i was tired of her being sick and tired of her being sick and ired; and i noticed that she did not want to chnge her life so she was still sick and deep in her addiction and i saw all my frends die again around me, i did not want to see that death again, i wanted something different, i just got out of prison and i want something different in my life, i want a sober woman, i want a sover girfriend,  sober and loving, this is my wish this is my goal and i will ahdieve this with my beliefs, by fiath, my hope and by love.

waiting is so dreadful

and im calling her becuase i want her in my bed tonight, i took a shower, scrubbed between my legs and waitied for her, shell call after two in the morning, she likes me, she kissed me, no ones kissed me in such a long time, she still has to play her other toys, but she watches out for me, she likes me and tells me the truth, i like her breasts and i like her breaths, i like her missing teeth, she is a bad one, but i like em bad,  she tells me she just wants me for sex, i dont mind, she wants to move in, she wants to get clean, she wants to live a beuatiful life, i tell her i was made to fall so i can meet up with her and we can both get out of this darkness together, sometimes you cant get out of the darkness by yourself, we all need someone to help us get out, i need her love and she needs my help to fight the dragons, together we will defeat all the dragons, she confessed to me earlier that she will be dead and found in a restroom due to an overdose of heron, i tell my friends the same thing, all the stories she told me, i tell all my friends, i was hanging outwith her and i didnt know how to tell her my secrets without her telling me i was a freak, but she started to talk, with a candor and love and i loved her in return and i heard my story coming out of her mouth, it could not be, but it was, i have finally met myself, and i love her, thats right, i love her i love her i love her i love her,  tell her world, tell her that i love her and maywe both find that peace & serenity we both starve for!!!!!

saddened by staples

to talk shit and not get hit, last night i had those dreams once more of a musical evening, i havent had any strange dreams in a long time, but i had the sci fi ones last night, let me remember, it was the end of the world and we wer all surviving a la mad max, there were mean cars and people hiding from the many suns, i remember being at a funeral, the obelisks(sic) were grand and beatiful and big as hell, there were many dead people and most were buried near the sea, and when i looked out in the sea, i saw the gods, othello and jupiter,othello was the poseidon, but he was not trapped like hades and me and othello were on talking terms, to talk to othello i had to look up and find the constellation, and othello was located in the orion constellation, but othello spoke to me and we went pillaging, he gave me a ship, or rather i was on the crew for a ship that looked like the nautilus circa alan moores league of extraordinary gentleman, but he was the captain, with his long beard and he answered to othello, so we went warring with these gentle lands that were now peaceful but at one time they were places of illrepute, but now they were holy as if some man had spoken on their behalf that these cities were changing their life for ever,  but we were attacking these ports and with othellos sword, he was cutting these towns in half, first went the moutains, a clean cut that left nothing in its wake, it was a big void that we were causing everywhere we were going, the mayor of one town comes and begs for forgiveness, saying he has no idea why we are destroying these towns, they have not angered the gods, but othello replies its not the sins of the current fathers, but thousands of years ago, a sin was committed and no god ever cleaned it up, so now we were going to charge everyone, the town folk begged and pleaded with the gods i was with to give them a chance, for no one knew of these legends or folktales that we spoke of, othello picked up his blade and drove it down the head of the mayor, cutting him clean in half, then othello cut to the left and sliced all his entourage as well, then he went to the mountains and cut the mountains down to the sea level to leave nothing behind, all of the crew picked up the dead women and left everuthing elese for there was nothing of worth to be found, nothing but dead women and we took the women on board and went in search for another town to pillage and destroy, what does this dream mean, i had plenty of dreams like this, i rmember sarah being in one of them, i dont know ab out this girl sarah, i really love the hell out of her, but it seems like im doing it all for nothing, this time that i am out, i am not calling her so much out of my respect and love for her, i love her so much, i would love to get married with her and have a family, but we all have these people that we lust over dont we,and we never get satisfied in our own lives becuase we were made for each other, but we keep putting it aside thinking we will find someone better, but you know what, she is the best for me and i am the best for her, but i am taking it slow right now God will provide, i have to stop taking control of my life and put God first, with God first then i can trust in him and He will bring me closer to my wife, beit Sarah or someone completely different, but me and sarah have this life that deserves to be lived together, how do i tell her that i love her completely, how do i tell her that to me she is madly loved, i love her, i love her & i even love her daughter, whom i am willing to take care of and provide for, well thats enough

great things are still to be done

my broken back is fixed by batman and my friends are coming around less andless, sometimes its hard to trust them anymore, hearing my nephew pray to God makes me happy, stayed up way too late last night writing, america does nothave any more oil, tell the senate to scrape the faces of the poor people in the projects, there is lots of oil on faces, i was looking for my wife today, and now i really dont know what to expect, hung out this ho who likes  to hang aroudn with me becuase i buy her anything, anything she wants, and her pimp doesntlike when i come around, he wants her to stop tricking, what is this world comingtoo when the tricks decide to stop tricking, well i respect that about heather, so i took her to the good will and bought some clothes for her and then she bought me a raspa with pieces of kiwi from the palatera, it was verytasty, i asked one of the workers there to use their phone, and this one fat lady told me fast and mean, "no", i told her, fuck you you bitch ass bitch,, then my friend fixed my cogito ergo sum tattoo that i got in prison, he did a good job,

sand dollars in my salad

they say true love is like an earthquake
breaking in the seas and begging for lives
to be spared, blessings keeping families
together its here in the eye of the storm
this calmness reminds me of you, how
everywhere you went, you had an entourage
bfore it was the rich thing to do
and deep within your hair, my nightmares
disappear among this loose hair twisting
 in the wind

sadness

comes on with halfhearted attempts where do we see the importance in taking you own life who wants to take their own life, it is a sselfish thing to do, i thuoght about it for years, but i dont have the balls to do somethin like that, but we all rmember certain moments in life, in different ways, my [poor brother trying to kill himself Thank God he was a failure at this too

lost in translation

they keep screaming at me, these eyes that cant see, but i can hear them, called an old girlfriend today and she told me she loved me, it felt so great to hear those little words, i know i should not get hung up on what she is telling me, but i am just her friend, and that love, if that is the only love she can give me, well ill take it, with or without the pink spots, my best friend told me today she loves and and i told her back that i loves her too, and then we are back on the neverending train of trying to get one of us to move into with the other, i love her, and if i need a place in one year, she will be the human i want to spend my life, the rest of my life.
amen

world trade center

now is the time to start writing anythng that comes to mind, i was typing my book earlier and i took some peyote but the peyote was weak, some weak dick ass mo fo sold me some bunk crap, i get what i deserve well enough of that, time to see a movie, maybe a french one

wtf

today im talking to my boss, my funky boss and she likes to bring up things about my past, ie my drug use and she likes to talk crap all day long, so she said i was stupid today and i know im not stupid, so i barked back at her and she did not like it, my other employees did not know what to say to her, because they are her friends, but they all told seperately that i did the right thing, then i went to my process group and i processed lots of things, i told my counselor that stereotypes are bull corn and i spoke my mind, i love speaking my mind becuase alot of people still cant speak theirown minds, its sad sometimes to live through life like that, but i saw this video on fb, i did it my way from sexpistols and yeah i did it my way too, i love the women on fb,

te beginning

now i begin to write what comes from this head of mine, that s the way to write my friends to let the words melt out of your head like syrup, not he mafia kind, but the sweet spots and loving every year i have yet to live, could all my days be more full of grief, but yes that is what makes my life wonderful