It is Monday and a new day for a new month.  This month has the birthdays of my favorite people in my life, or those that are important, for the next couple of months these birthdays are present, in March and April.  But lets get this thing started.  I will write in this blog everyday, i will present my ideas to write out what i have to get out of my head.  This will be my column, so to speak, a stepping stone so i can damn the world and still be safe in my little room next to my computer, be it a laptop or a home computer, does it really matter as long as the writing is done?  Who out there still has a word processor?  Do people still remember what a word processor is?  these are the old processing computers that were only made to write papers or essays, what ever it is you like to call them.  But lets get started.  So last week I was at my "girl-friend's " and i really loved her, but all week long she had been acting strange.  there are other times when she acts strange, and there is always another guy involved, that is why i hate women sometimes, i want to hang out with a certain female and she tells me she wants me too, but deep in her head she is thinking about being somewhere else, but this girl lets call her rhonda, which is not her real name by the way, i have to keep the innocent innocent, or in this case i have to keep the guilty guilty, but rhonda has no shame nor guilt, so it really doesnt matter, well one night when i am over there, she tells me her friend is coming over and he needs someone to talk to, for me to sit in the living room, and she took him in her and did her business.  Sung him a lullaby, is what she likes to say, make him fall back and his eyes go back, well she did her thing with him and hung out with me like nothing.  I was disgusted.  I did not want to hang out with her anymore.  i thought she was ugly for doing something like that.  now i know we all do things that are shameful, but is this right.  i mean i told rhonda certain things about my life that i don't tell anyone and i told her in complete confidence becuase i loved her.  and she did the same with me, telling me things that she did not tell anyone else.  but then she went and did this, and then i found out she was doing this all week, making money, which had me thinking, this is how she makes money, she tricks, which just made me want to throw up and to think that i had some kind of love, some inkling of love for her and all she does is this.  she does not care about her kids one bit, sometimes she lays down and wants me to lay next to her and she wants me to hold her, but i cant, she is a disgusting person, ive never been with a female like this and i dont need a female like this in my life right now.  First things first, i have to get rid of the girl, i have to stop hanging out with a girl like this, she has no respect for herself so i have to get it through my head that she will have no respect for anything in life.  and God knows i tried, God you know i prayed for this girl, for this woman, and still she decides to do the bad things.  Sometimes you just have to walk away and dont look back, i have kept looking back for the past six months thinking she will change, but this time i have to look forward and just ignore her for the rest of my life.  its a shitty thing i have to do, but when you look at what she has done to me, she is just as shitty.  and yeah drugs are involved, but i work for my drugs, i make money and buy my drugs, i dont sleep around, i ve told her she doesnt have to do that, but she wants to sleep around she wants to be ugly she wants to be disgusting, she wants to be uggh , i cant live with a woman like that.  i know this world is full of women that are not like that, women that have minds and that can think, Ivan you need to drop this rhonda, and move on with your life.  i have already let rhonda take so much time away from me, from my writing and its time i took back my time and did what i need to do with my life, which is what i am doing right now, write.