a new day, a new way, time to say whats on my mind or what i need to write, to write, to write, this is my town, this is my life, tired of looking for women and the only women i find are those who treat me like straight trash, tired to being lied to, but i guess i have to stop lying myself, the only thing i lie about though is my drug use, i use drugs and what are you going to do about it, if no one has done anything about it my entire life, what makes you think you could do something, i do drugs because they help me cope with life, they help me talk to people, without drugs i dont do anything becuase i am afraid of everything, i can't talk to people, nor can i talk to girls, its just the anxiety in me, i had this friend, this muse of mine that i was deeply in love with, lets call her Melissa, i was in love with this woman and she was in love with me, but the only thing was that we had this intimacy issues, i dont know, maybe i had them or maybe i did not know how to get a woman like that in the mood, maybe its all in my head, maybe she never looked at me like that, but after being with several women and about a handful of them acting the same way melissa did, makes me wonder maybe the problem was not with these other women, but this problem lied within myself, i have issues, i am a product of this world, and most of my life i have felt like i did not belong anywhere i went, even my last relationship, all of her friends, all of wandas friends they acted as if i was this strange person, even up to the last minutes i spent with wanda it was the same and now as i think back on it, it makes me wonder about all my relationships, maybe some of us are not just made out for things like that, i like what old people tell me, when i grow up, who is going to take care of me becusae i do not have children, i would not expect my own children to take care of me, im a writer, just like poe, my family is in these words i write, my life is expressed in these worlds i create, i look at people like wanda and i know and i knew i could not be with her becuase i could never ever talk to her like i do to other smart people, there was no way i could express myself to her, i mean i thought i expressed my self fully to her, but she was a stupid person and she did not like to read like she told me she liked to read, i am a writer, this is what i do, this is what i do with my life and my time, i write and when the person that you love they tell you to put aside what it is you love the most in life, the only way i know how to communicate with others is by writing, this is the only way i know how to get others to get to know the real me, and when a person that you love tells you to stop writing and to instead concentrate on finding a job so you can support her and her habits, even though she says she is stopping those habits, i know deep down that she is not stopping, she is not doing anything to make herself better, this is when i have to make the decision to stop hanging around people like her , i have to say bye and i have to be mean about it, ive spent the past half year trying to change, to get outof the life so to speak, and she wants me to stay in it, so i can get her high and keep getting her high and so she can keep living the way she wants to, but what about me, where do i make a choice or decision, where do i have i say in my life, i do not want to be a slave to a woman like this, i would not mind being a slave to  a woman, but a woman that woudl treat me like this, i cant do that anymore, now if there was a woman that loved me and tried to do something for herself, well that would be different, but a woman that does nothing for herself, i cant help her anymore, its not bad, its just real, i am getting older and the older i get, i want to find someone i can share my life with, i know i never will and in the future the people who will want to share their life with me, will be so difficult to understand, but sometimes that is the life that we are all made for, sometimes i just have to accept that trash that i see and just ignore it, i just have to be me, i just have to be, i am worth something better than the life i keep putting myself in, and this is wisdome that my best friend has told me, my must Melissa, she told me that i am much better than the life i keep putting myself into, its time i listened to her and all the positive people in the world, im tired of the negative and the negativity that i put myself into, now i see it as my choice and i decide to do something good, like my name is earl, good karma, do good things and good things will follow you, i know i will have to pay for sins, but i think i already have been paying for these bad sins, till tomorrow, keep writing and keep loving, poetry